A Hard Week

Last week was an absolutely crazy emotional roller coaster.

It started out so well. Monday morning, we hit the ground running with language and culture study. The day flew by. We felt like we were making good progress, and we put in a good, full day of language study.

Tuesday, things went downhill fast. We were going about our daily schedule when a lady knocked on our front door. She mentioned that a new baby had just been born and asked if I could come with her. I grabbed my stuff and headed out the door, feeling excited about the new little life I was about to meet. That feeling quickly died. A guy I met on the trail mentioned that the baby had been born but wasn’t breathing. My heart sank, and I suddenly realized that I hadn’t been summoned to meet this baby. I had been summoned to revive it.

And we tried. We tried so stinking hard to revive that precious little boy. My coworker, Laken, and I did CPR for what felt like hours, crying and praying that God would bring that little life back to us. But there was nothing we could do. It was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done in my life… stopping the CPR and telling that momma that we couldn’t save her baby. She was so exhausted and looked so hopeless. My heart broke for her. For all the ladies in this tribe who have had their children die but have no hope of ever seeing them again. It was so hard, but it also gave me such a renewed sense of purpose and urgency for learning this language.

Wednesday and Thursday were exciting days again. Clint and our coworker Jason got to do an overnight hunting/camping trip with a bunch of the Wabuku guys. Their stories of going out in the middle of the night to stalk miari (a nocturnal marsupial that lives in the jungle) were entertaining and exciting. It encouraged our hearts that the guys had such an awesome opportunity to further strengthen their relationships with the Wabuku guys.

Then Thursday night, the heavens literally opened and we had one of the worst and loudest thunderstorms I have ever experienced. One particular lightning bolt struck our radio antenna, snapping the cable and frying our HF radio, several fans, and almost all our lights. It also knocked out the internet at our house, something our coworker Jason had just got running after weeks of work. We’re thankful no one was hurt, but it was pretty discouraging.

It’s been rough. We a bit like we were run over by a bus. But we can totally see God’s hand through it all, protecting us and giving us renewed grace to face each day. He is completely sufficient, and He is so worthy of our lives, no matter how hard it gets!

Last Day

Today is the day we leave Georgia. I don't quite know how to process all the emotions swirling in my brain. Excited to see more family. Broken-hearted to lose the precious face-to-face relationships we've had for the past three and a half months.

This aspect of missionary life--the goodbyes--is one I think I will never master. I don't think saying goodbye will ever be easy, even though I love my life and coworkers in PNG.

It's especially hard with family. My heart aches to leave them. I'm so thankful for the precious memories we've made and the special fellowship we've shared. It has ended too soon. We love you guys so, so, so much!!!!


And our churches. The precious people who have welcomed us with open arms and hearts while we've been back. They have celebrated God's work with us, cried over the lost with us, and loved us and our kids to pieces. We love you all so much and are thankful for each of you.

Our hearts are full. Full of joy. Full of memories. Full of sorrow. Full of anticipation. Full of excitement.

Thank you, Georgia family and friends, for a very special and memorable time. We are richer because of it.

Marry a Man like Daddy

Dear Daughter,

I know you are only a few weeks old, so maybe this is a bit premature. But I know how fast the years go. Before you know it, you'll be holding a child of your own. And if it's a girl, I think you'll tell her the same thing I want to tell you.

Girlie, I want so many good things for you. Most of all, I want you to love Jesus with all your little heart.

But second, if it's God's plan for you to get married, I want you to marry an amazing man. Marry a man like your daddy.

Marry a man who loves Jesus with everything he is. A man who points you to Him, even before you are dating. A man who inspires you to walk closer with God every day.

Marry a man who doesn't use you, but instead pursues you.

Marry a man who stands by his convictions, even when the world calls him crazy.

Marry a man who puts your needs above his own. Who is willing to admit when he is wrong.

Marry a man who is willing to be a strong leader of your home.

Marry a man who loves you, not just when you have your makeup and clothes just right, but also when you wake up with terrible hair and bad breath.

Marry a man who will still call you beautiful, even after your body has been stretched and marked with pregnancy.

Marry a man who will stand by your side through the thick and the thin. On the good days when you can have fun and laugh together. And on the days when your hormones are driving you insane and you're crying all day for no reason.

Marry a man whose mind is focused on eternity and who lives this life as though he is made for another.


Girlie, I know these things sound like perfection. You may be tempted to settle for less. But please don't. Please know that men like this still exist. Your daddy is one of those men. And I want to assure you that there are other daddies out there like yours who are training their boys to be men of God.

On today, his birthday, I want you to know what an amazing daddy you have.

If you do get married some day, Little One, I pray that you will marry a man like him. You won't regret it for a minute.

Love,
Your Mommy

New Year's Motivation

I never thought we’d start 2016 like this. In some ways, it’s a good start, because it makes the reason why we’re here so much more vivid and real. Yet it’s also a really, really hard start.

One of our national friends died early on New Year’s Day. It was very unexpected. And very much not an accident. The senselessness of it all is overwhelming. Yet through it all, I cling to the fact that God is good.

We sat with the family and friends as they grieved. I wish I could describe to you their grief. The wailing. The sobbing. Grown men walking down the road crying like babies. We cried with them. We hurt with them.

Death is real and raw here.

We certainly didn’t expect to start our year like this with hearts heavy and hurting for our friends. But I’m so glad that this family has hope. So many people all across PNG are facing death daily, and their grief is unending because they do not know Christ.

Last week, a very sick man from a nearby tribe was flown out to town, and we drove him to the hospital. He died there a few days later. In that crowded, dirty place. And he died without hope, without hearing the Gospel. The missionaries in his tribe hadn’t had a chance to do any Bible teaching. They had hoped he would survive, but he didn’t. His eternal destiny is sealed, and it’s so, so sad.

We didn’t hear the death wails for this man, but I can only imagine. The intense grief and hopelessness.

Like I said, death is real and raw here.

I’m thankful that we’re here. In this place. At this time. So many people don’t know, and we have the hope they need. As we go forward in 2016, may that hope be the thing that motivates us every day, wherever we are.

A Breath of Fresh Air

Some days here in Papua New Guinea are amazing. We wake up so thankful that we are here and don’t want to be anywhere else. 

And then there are days when you dread getting out of bed because you are exhausted… mentally, physically, and emotionally. Life here takes so much more time and energy than in the States.

The past few weeks have been difficult. We’ve been really busy with responsibilities on the base where we are living. We’re battling another wave of homesickness with the holidays approaching. And it’s hot and humid.

Yesterday (Thanksgiving Day for us), God gave us a special gift. We flew on a small mission plane up to another New Tribes Mission base near Goroka for the final two weeks of our orientation program. We’ll be spending time learning about the various support programs that NTM has to help us as we serve on the field, including the medical clinic, school, and business offices. Being here on this base has already been like a breath of fresh air for us. The weather is cooler since we’re at 5,000 foot elevation, we don’t have a lot of responsibilities, and we were able to celebrate Thanksgiving with an awesome group of fellow American missionaries. We’re grateful for the chance to relax a bit before heading back to Madang in early December.

Even though it’s hard sometimes, we have so much to be thankful for here in PNG this Thanksgiving season.

We’re thankful for the amazing things that God has done to get us here.

We’re thankful for all of you who faithfully support and pray for us.  

We’re thankful for our families and that they are so supportive and loving as we’re here.

We’re thankful for our fellow missionaries who encourage us as we walk this journey together.

We’re thankful for God’s provision of awesome coworkers.

We’re thankful for the everyday blessings that we so often take for granted… like fans and automatic washing machines.

We’re thankful for the time of refreshment that we can have in Goroka.

Most importantly, we’re thankful for the reason that we’re here… Jesus!

Crazy, Beautiful Life

I haven’t written here in a while. Not because I don’t have things to say, but because I don’t have the words to describe them.

I wish you could taste the strange collision of life here. How it is the best job we’ve ever had, and yet how it is also the hardest. How it is so fulfilling, and yet so devastatingly difficult at times.

This past month has been a beautiful one. A combination of all kinds of things that have caused us to throw ourselves on God. The result? Abundant grace and strength for each day.

We have been taking over many of the responsibilities for running the NTM base where we’ve been living for the past few months. It’s an overwhelming job at times, but we’re slowly learning the ropes.

And we just found out on Sunday that we’ve made a lot of progress in the trade language! Clint is at Capable Mid (level 8 out of 9) and I’m at Progressing High (level 6 out of 9). We still have room for improvement, but at least we are making progress and learning so much! Getting near the end!

I’m so glad God is in control and is faithful to complete what He started. He’s so good! I’m thankful for that… otherwise what we’re doing wouldn’t matter at all!

We’re grateful too for your prayers for us! I wish you could know how much it encourages us to know that people are back home praying for us. It helps us get through the stressful days. THANK YOU!!!!

Annnd.... a picture of Kyler just for fun. :) Love this little guy and the joy he brings!

Thank You!

About 34 days until we leave! Time is flying!

As we start to wrap things up here in the States, I wanted to take some time to thank all those who have stood behind us in so many ways. I can't even begin to say how much it's meant to us!!

Thank you to all those who are standing with us in prayer! We know there are so many who faithfully pray for us. It's so comforting and encouraging to know this, especially when times get tough. Thank you!!!

Thank you to all those who are supporting us financially! We recognize that financial giving is a sacrifice, and we are so humbled and grateful for your desire to stand behind us in this way. Thank you!!!

Thank you to all those who have given gifts! It has been such a blessing to receive some of the items we would like to take overseas with us. Below is a picture of just a few of the items we've received (and yes, that is homemade goat's milk soap in the box! Amazing!!). Thank you!!!

A HUGE thank you as well to the elderly lady who is allowing us to live in her fully-furnished home for free while we are here in Oregon! What an incredible blessing it has been to us! Clint has been able to log on the property and sell firewood to cover our living expenses. We've been able to keep two horses here while we waited to sell them. And it's in a beautiful location with a bit of land. So thankful!!!

As Paul puts it in 2 Corinthians 9:12-13: "This service that you perform is not only supplying the needs of the Lord’s people but is also overflowing in many expressions of thanks to God. Because of the service by which you have proved yourselves, others will praise God for the obedience that accompanies your confession of the gospel of Christ, and for your generosity in sharing with them and with everyone else."

Thank you, thank you, thank you!!!!!!!!!!!!

Goodbyes

There's one thing about missionary life that no amount of training can ever prepare you for. When it hits, it hits you hard. And it hurts. Bad.

Goodbye. I hate the word, yet it's a reality of life, especially for a missionary.

We had to say goodbye to my family today, and it hurt. Even though we don't leave for Papua New Guinea until the end of July, we probably won't get another chance to get back to Georgia again.

It hurts. I've left part of my heart in Georgia, and I know they've left some of theirs with us. It hurts knowing that Kyler isn't going to grow up knowing his extended family very well, and they are going to miss seeing the precious little moments in his life.

It hurts! And yet I'm reminded of the truth that to hurt is precious because it means you love a lot. If I didn't love, it wouldn't hurt, and that would be far worse.

One day, God is going to remove that hurt forever. It will be so, so worth it all in the end. So thankful for that beautiful hope!

Life is Beautiful

The past few weeks have been busy, but full of incredible beauty. We are so, so blessed! 

The beauty of a baby. Every moment is a treasure, even the difficult ones at 2am. I love every second. The adorable faces he makes. His tiny sighs of contentment after a good feeding. His little hand curled around mine. The weight of him in my arms. Such beauty... it takes my breath away!

 

The beauty of grandparents getting to see their first grandchild. I'm so thankful that my parents were able to visit for a week right after Kyler was born. It was such a special time... one you can't ever replace or get back. Beauty.

The beauty of a wedding. Clint's uncle lost his first wife 3 years ago very suddenly. The pain was so blinding... so startling. No one understood why. Yet God knew. He saw the bigger plan. 2 weeks ago, Clint's uncle remarried to a wonderful woman. God brings beauty from pain.

The beauty of the body of Christ. We've shared in two churches during the past two weeks. Has it ever struck you how beautiful the body of Christ can be? We came to share about our ministry. We left overwhemingly blessed by the people we met and their passionate love for God. What incredible beauty!

The beauty of remembering. Memories can be so painful sometimes. A lost loved one. A poor decision. A hurtful situation. Yet each of those memories have made us who we are. And hopefully, we have allowed God to use them to bring beauty and healing into our lives. Today, as we celebrate Memorial Day, I hope each of us will remember how God used the most painful event in history to bring us redemption with him. The ultimate beauty.

Life is so beautiful. Treasure it today. 

A Lesson from a Birth Certificate

"I don't have a birth certificate on file for a Kyler Laine Teele. You're going to have to bring all the paperwork in to the office before I can order one for you."

Our hearts sank. Those were not the words we wanted to hear on our answering machine. What in the world was going on? Just the day before, we had made a special trip to Portland to drop off the required forms for Kyler's birth certificate. We were hoping to get it as quickly as possible since he still needs a passport and visa for going to Papua New Guinea.

We discussed our problem. Had we left out some paperwork? Did it somehow get lost between offices? Would we have to fill out all the paperwork again (groan)?

God left us in suspense over the weekend. I love how He does that sometimes... how He gives you time to come back to truth and remember that He is in complete control.

Today, we received an email from the same lady who called. She said she mailed the birth certificate for Kyler yesterday!

God sees. He cares.

Just over 2 months left before we leave for Papua New Guinea. I'm so grateful for yet another reminder that God is with us on this journey!

Waiting

There is a big part of me that hates waiting for things. My parents inform me that I've been this way since I was a little tyke... constantly asking "how many more days until...?" Probably most of my impatience then had to do with stuff like my birthday and Christmas (I confess, I was a greedy child at times). Nowadays, I find myself getting impatient over very different issues.

I'm 41 weeks pregnant... and it sometimes feels like our baby is never going to come. It's just over 3 more months until we head to Papua New Guinea... and I feel so anxious to be there already.

My sister-in-law wrote a really good blog post on this issue a few weeks ago (http://beautyinweakness.blogspot.ca/2015/03/dinner-tables-jaeger-and-waiting.html). I feel like God has been using it and other encouraging passages from His Word to teach me a lot about the importance of waiting patiently for His timing. It really does me no good to be impatient. The baby isn't going to come any faster because I want it to. The 3 months before going overseas isn't going to fly by overnight just because I'm excited about it. And if I focus on those things, I am going to miss the precious opportunities I have in front of me.

Right now...
I have time to just hang out one-on-one with my husband
I am able to spend time with family
I have the convenience of Skype and phones so I can call friends and family
I can still go places without having to think "Baby" all the time

And there are so many other things. When I stop to think on the blessings God has given, it gives me a chance to be thankful for waiting, even though it is difficult at times. 

I am excited for these big events coming up very soon in our lives, but I am also grateful for all that God is teaching us through the waiting process.

Hopelessly in Love

Can I just say up front, I am absolutely head over heels in love right now! Yeah, I know it's Valentine's Day and so everyone expects you to talk about love, but this love goes way beyond just one day of the year.

I'm so in love with my husband...so in love that it almost hurts. It's been almost a year since we got married, but it's been the best year of my life. I love living life with my best friend! Sure, we have challenges. We see each other at our worst. Yet we choose to both apologize and to forgive. It's an amazing thing to know that someone sees all your faults yet still likes you and wants to be with you. What unbelievable, breath-taking love! I'm so proud to call him my husband!
 

 

And I'm also crazy in love with a tiny person who I haven't really met yet. I've only known him (or her) for 7 months, yet I already love him fiercely. His kicks inside my belly make me smile and take away my breath. His strength is sometimes startling, yet his smallness makes me so protective and caring. I love watching my husband feel the baby's movements, seeing the tender love in his eyes for his child. We are so excited to meet him or her in just 8 weeks (give or take a few)!

 

I'm so grateful that God has given us the emotion of love. Unfortunately, it's so misused in our world today. But true, godly love is such a beautiful, special thing. It's an incredible picture of the awe-inspiring, unconditional love that our Father has towards us, His precious kids. That overwhelming, fierce love that should sweep us off our feet and leave us breathless in the goodness of God. His love (unlike ours) knows no limits and has no end. I'm grateful that, no matter what happens, I can always rest in the love of God, for He is crazy in love with me!

Christmas is Coming!

Anyone else feel like Christmas is coming waaayyy too fast? Ok, glad I'm not the only one.

Our First Christmas Tree!

That being said, I also have to say, I absolutely LOVE Christmas time. I know in many circles there's an air of commercialism. A spirit of killing the Baby and promoting the Stuff. I know in other circles there's a debate about whether we should even celebrate Christmas since it was originally a day to worship the sun, not Christ. But honestly, I think the idea of having a special time to celebrate the birth of Christ is a precious one. Of course, the gifts are fun. The decorations are beautiful. The traditions are special. But a Baby born in Bethlehem is the most beautiful and special gift of all!

With my own baby on the way, I've had a lot of time to envision what things must have been like for Mary. When she felt her baby kick, she must have been in awe over the fact that the Son of God who had created her was so small, so helpless, and so dependent on her for life. When she dealt with morning sickness, she must have wondered why God had chosen her to bear the Messiah. She must have marveled over the miracle of life, but even more so, over the miracle of God becoming a man. What an incredible experience that must have been for her!

I hope that you are enjoying your Christmas season, and may we all think often on the Christ of Christmas... the miracle Baby who came to save us all.

For to us a child is born, to us a son is given, and the government will be on his shoulders. And He will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace. - Isaiah 9:6

Giving Thanks

Yes, I know Thanksgiving was yesterday, but hey, being thankful should go the whole year round, right? I've been challenged this month to really focus on being thankful. I've been attempting (and failing quite often) to think of at least 3 things that I can be thankful for whenever I encounter a frustrating situation where I normally would tend to complain. It's amazing to me how gratitude can change your entire outlook on a situation and can make your day so much more enjoyable. Paul was definitely right when he exhorted believers to always be thankful!

There are so many things that we have to be thankful for.

I'm thankful for God's unconditional love. I'm thankful that He calls me His daughter. I'm thankful that He never gives up on me. No matter what.

I'm thankful for an incredible husband who loves me, takes care of me, and is my best friend. I'm thankful for the new life growing inside me. I can hardly believe I'm halfway done with pregnancy!

I'm thankful for my wonderful family. For my loving, caring parents who hunger after God and His Word. For my beautiful sisters who are so much fun and love me, God, and others. For the beauty of adoption. For wonderful in-laws who have welcomed me with open arms.

I'm thankful for a warm, dry home. For the truck God provided for us so Clint can haul firewood. For food to eat each day. For how God has met all of our financial needs.

I'm thankful for my church family here and around the world. For the freedom to worship God. For having access to God's Word in our language.

There are so many other things I could say. God's goodness is overwhelming. His mercies know no end. What a reason to give thanks!

The Ways of the Lord

My heart breaks for our missionary friends, Jon and Adie Leedahl and their three young boys. We have so many wonderful memories with this family from our training days in Missouri. They have such a heart for God, for their fellow brothers and sisters in Christ, and for the lost.

In mid-October, almost a month ago, Jon, who is a highly skilled missionary pilot working in Papua New Guinea, had a terrible motorcycle accident. Both his legs were severely injured, and he lost almost all his own blood. Blood donations from other missionaries kept him alive until they were able to fly him to Australia for treatment.

Jon lost his right leg. His left is battered and scarred.

When we heard the news, we sobbed. Hard. Why, God?

"Well, I guess this must be God's will." Some might say.

Yeah, but just because He allows it to happen doesn't make it easy. Doesn't make it fun.

Sometimes God's ways are definitely not my ways. I wish I could be like Jesus, crying "Not my will, but Yours be done," even in the midst of terrible tragedy. But my humanity gets in the way so often. I hurt. I question. I don't like the results. I don't understand.

Through it all, I have to remember that God is good. So, so, so good. God is loving. He is kind. He hates evil and suffering as much as I do, yet He uses each bad situation for the good of those who love Him.

If He is the most loving Being that exists...that will ever exist, I know I can trust His ways, even when I don't understand. Even when I don't see the beauty in them.

And there will be beauty in Jon and Adie's lives. There already is. There has been an overwhelming unity of believers around the world who are coming together for one purpose: to lift the Leedahls before the throne of God. Such beauty in the midst of brokenness!

Perhaps Jon's accident will call others to go. Will challenge others to lay down their lives in the service of a King who is so worthy. Who is so, so good and loving.

Perhaps it will cause others to pause. Take inventory of their lives. Ask "What am I really living for? Am I really willing to count the cost of following Christ?"

All I know is, God will bring beauty. That is His way. Even though all I see is the broken, He sees the beautiful.

The ways of the Lord are good.

You can follow Jon and Adie's story at http://theleedahls.com/.

The Joys of Motherhood

I think it's starting to really hit me that I'm going to be a mom really soon (um, wasn't I just a kid like a few years ago???). I had a prenatal checkup yesterday, and we got to hear the baby's heartbeat for the first time! What an amazing, breathtaking experience! I can't wait to meet this little one!

I also gave in yesterday and bought my first pair of maternity jeans. So much more comfortable than regular jeans for my ever-growing belly! I'm showing quite a bit now, at least to those who know me well. Other people probably just think I'm getting fat, which is probably also true, but I guess I have an excuse. :)

Even though I know that raising children is a difficult task, one that requires a lot of patience, hard work, and sacrificial love, I am excited out of my mind and so incredibly joyful to get to be a mom! I'm so grateful for the godly example my mom showed me. I hope I will be half as good a mom as she is!

I Believe in Miracles

Our society says you have to have hard facts and solid evidence to prove something to be true (but people also say "truth is relative"... not sure how those two go together???). It's definitely the case in a court of law. But when it comes to the existence of God, most people wouldn't say there is any solid evidence that He exists.

I disagree. There is. Most definitely, there is. One piece of evidence is called "miracles". 

In the past few years, I have seen miracles. Real miracles. When I was a kid, I used to think, "Oh yeah, miracles happened back in the Bible when Jesus was alive and could heal people and stuff." 

But He still does! Not always. Sometimes His plan is for someone to endure a terrible sickness, the loss of a loved one, or some other type of emotional pain. And there is a certain beauty about those who have endured such pain but have trusted God through it all. And yet God still does work miracles. 

One miracle that is precious and dear to my heart recently is the miraculous healing of my mom. (Sorry, Mom, I may be overstepping my bounds here, since I haven't seen you post anything about this...) :-). The doctors found a tumor... and they diagnosed the worst. 

I could hardly believe it. I still can't. My mom? My world tilted, spun, shook. And so did hers. And my whole family's. 

We prayed. So, so hard. Every day. Multiple times a day. And God worked a miracle.

After a few weeks of not knowing, the test results came back completely clear. The doctors were stunned. From their original diagnosis, things didn't look good at all. But the tumor was totally benign. 

Our God is a mighty, awesome God! He still does work miracles!!! And I'm so glad He did for my mom!